The next big zombie movie is here. Based (some may say, “loosely”) on the 2006 book by Max Brooks, World War Z premiers in theaters June 21. We’re pretty pumped about zombies that aren’t so lackadaisical as they are in the ever-popular The Walking Dead. I mean, if they can stack themselves into a human pyramid and climb into helicopters, this is gotta be pretty exciting. We’re pretty sure the Umbrella Corporation has something to do with this outbreak, but we haven’t seen any proof of that. So, since we haven’t seen the movie yet, we’ve given you a list of lessons we learned strictly from the trailer and film stills.
Lesson 1: Concerts are not important during the Zombie Apocalypse
We don’t know what this guy was thinking, but stage diving should be probably be reserved for times when people are actually paying attention. Jumping off the stage in the middle of the concert would’ve worked better if someone was there to catch him. Our guess is this was a Nickelback concert, judging by the looks of how fast everyone is trying to get out of there. Maybe they ran out of beer?
Lesson 2: Choose your Bug Out Vehicle wisely
Come on Brad. You chose a Volvo station wagon as your bug-out vehicle? You can’t even run over a cat with one of those without a $3,000 trip to the body shop, let alone a zombie! The real issue with this movie still is that the policeman on the right has his middle finger on the trigger. We’re not sure if he’s sending out a message to the zombies, or this is one actor that’s never held a gun before. Either way, put some run-flats on that grocery getter for an improved chance at escape.
Lesson 3: You can purchase children during the zombie apocalypse.
It’s pretty obvious here that Brad wasn’t looking for the happiest puppy at this pet shop. I mean, she looks terrified. I’m not sure why zombies make it legit to buy children at the big box store, but I guess we will find out at the movies. At least she has good manners. Please keep all hands and feet inside the buggy during the zombie apocalypse! The guy on the right here figures if he’s about to die, he’s at least going to get hammered beforehand. Maybe he can throw the empties at the zombies?
Lesson 4: Air travel should be avoided.
I couldn’t even count how many aircraft I saw go down with zombies attached to them in the trailer. I’m going to go ahead and rule out air travel altogether during the zombie apocalypse. I just kept waiting on Samuel L. Jackson to pop in and say, “I’ve had it with these mother father zombies on this mother father plane.” If these things can sneak onto an airplane and take down a military helicopter with a 50 caliber mounted on the side, I really just don’t want to play around with flying during the zombie apocalypse. You probably don’t even get frequent flyer miles.
Lesson 5: Coffee solves everything
Brad knew there was a cure, he just didn’t know it was right there in front of him. If things get really deep around you, just sit back with a cup of joe. Everybody else is like, “It’s the zombie apocalypse!” and I’ll be like, “They’re giving away free coffee at Starbucks!” By the look on Brad’s face, the zombies must’ve chased everyone who didn’t stop for a coffee break.